


I Spy

by LapisAlba



Series: Star Trek Alternate Universes [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, They're all friends really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LapisAlba/pseuds/LapisAlba
Summary: Alternate Universe: Spy Verse.Jim just wants to get on with his job of stealing secrets for the government but someone invited the whole world and his wife.
Series: Star Trek Alternate Universes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824973
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	I Spy

**Author's Note:**

> This is slight crack mainly because ridiculous scenarios is my writing style.
> 
> I hope you like it.

The call came in on the Monday and by the Wednesday Jim was briefed and ready for what he viewed as the one the easiest assignments he could wish for. The mission was simple, head to Georgia, spy on a guy with a healing machine thing (Jim had skipped the technical parts he had better things to do, like Gaila), steal said healing machine thing and then get back to Gaila.

An easy three step plan.

***

Maybe three steps had been a bit optimistic.

It had taken at least a four-step plan to even get to Georgia and then another seven-step plan to get an established routine and surveillance on the house. Despite this obvious unanticipated set back, Jim was ready.

Undercover of darkness he entered the house through a window and stalked down the empty halls like a not-quite-vengeful ghost. He’d taken out all security alarms and looped the camera footage for at least an hour to give himself plenty of time to snoop undisturbed. According to his carefully made timetable, something he’d whipped up using a napkin and some sharpies, the owner was away for the night at his regular poker game and drinks with his other rich boy buddies. 

Jim approached the back of the house where, according to the layout plans he’d filched from the council, the study was located. He carefully opened several heavy oak doors before he found the room he was looking for, but as it slowly swung open a slim beam of bright white light pooled out.

 _Un-be-lievable_. Of all the houses owned by ridiculously rich philanthropist doctors in the world, Spock had to walk into his. Well, not _his,_ but dammit Spock was not in his three-step plan.

“ _Spock_?” He hissed from the doorway, “What are you doing here?”

Spock turned around, tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at him. “Mr Kirk, what an -,” he paused considering his wording carefully, “- unusual surprise.” On the desk in front of him was an open box with several security locks open around it, and several tools around those. Clasped in Spock’s slim fingers was a small folded device that looked a bit like a games consoles that Jim had seen in an antiques shop years ago.

Jim’s eyes widened and he stepped fully into the room to get a better look.

“Is that it? The new tech thing that Pike is so desperate to get?” he muttered mostly to himself. When he’d first seen a picture of the device, he’d called it ridiculous and received a thirty minute lecture from Pike on the relevance and benefits of new technology. 

Spock hummed in response and fiddled a bit with the device, “Why are the Americans so interested in this?” he inquired looking up again.

“Why do the Vulcan’s want it?” Jim counted now standing shoulder to shoulder with the man in front of the desk. “I mean I thought you already had superior healing methods. Why do you need this?” he placed his torch down next to Spock’s lit one and reached for the device, but Spock gracefully moved it out of his grasp.

“It is true we are advance, but a method of healing such as this must be studied and replicated for the good of all,” he stated keeping an eye on Kirk.

Spock and Jim had met a couple of years ago in a similarly bizarre situation involving a foreign dignitary, a swamp and a gladiator. It had resulted in quite the fiasco and Jim now held a lifetime ban from all Carlton Hotels. After that, encounters between the two had become more frequent as Vulcan and American ideals aligned and their fieldwork led them to similar places. Jim enjoyed their little meet ups but thought that, perhaps, tonight was not going to be one of his favourites.

Jim shook his head to clear his thoughts and went to reply but a scraping noise interrupted him.

“What the -?” Jim asked mouth dropping open. He turned to face the window only to see a small flash.

The previously locked window slowly rose until there was a big enough gap for an adult to get through. An arm shot through the gap, followed by a second and then a head with a small headlamp and final a body ungracefully thumped to the floor.

Jim and Spock just stood stunned at the sudden intrusion.

The adult groaned and stood up stiffly. “Ach, I swear they make ‘em windows more difficult every time.”

There was a pregnant pause as the figure finally focused on the room.

The figure spread its arms in glee.

“Well if it isn’t my favourite inter-agency drinking buddies,” he exclaimed rather loudly his thick accent adding a lilt to the syllables.

Spock inclined his head, “Mr Scott.”

Jim grinned at the Scotsman, “It’s good to see you Scotty. What are you doing here?”

It had been a considerable amount of time since he’d seen the man and Jim had been beginning to worry that something had happened to him. The Scotsman and him had quite literally collided one day on the streets of Norway and had never fully recovered from the hangover since.

The Scotsman hedged over the answer, throwing his gaze towards the device in Spock’s hands.

“Well, actually, am after tha’ wee device. Seems the British government is pretty interested in something that heals broken bones almost instantly.” He spoke softly ambling towards Spock. “And,” he continued, “I won’t lie to you, am pretty interested in getting a wee peep at it myself. You know, for educational purposes.” He said wiggling his fingers excitedly.

Jim grinned again but his smile soon morphed into a frown. What were they going to do, three independent agencies all wanting the same device, its not like they could clone the thing.

There was a thud from above them.

Make that four different agencies.

The three spies looked up as the muffled sound of shuffling faintly rang into the room. The was another shuffle and then a quite rude sounding exclamation was heard. Then the cover of the air vent was slowly removed, and a pair of legs lowered themselves down. As the body dropped to the floor the three men braced themselves to confront the other intruder.

The intruder was dressed in black and squeaked backing up a bit when he saw the three taller men in front of him. He reached for something attached to his back when Jim lunged forward.

“You don’t want to do that. See him,” he waved vaguely at Spock, “He’s a Vulcan. He’ll tear you apart limb by limb before you can draw.” The figure froze and stared at Spock before lowering his arm.

He straightened and spoke, “Zat vould be scary, but I know zat Mr Spock vould not hurt me.”

The three men relaxed when they heard the familiar accent. Jim had met the little Russian years ago in the back end of India where the kid been running a surveillance mission for some shady branch of his homeland security. Since then he’d popped up in all kinds of places from vans in Singaporean back alleys to nouveau riche penthouses in New York.

“Pavel, wee man, I cannae believe it’s you,” the Scotsman said throwing his arms around the smaller boy. “Don’t tell me the Russian’s are interested in this thing too?” he continued walking the boy towards centre of the room where the group were congregating.

Chekov nodded, “Vell of course ve’re interested. Ve invented it and now ve want it back,” he told them still nodding seriously.

Jim drew his eyebrows together in doubt. “Kid, I don’t know if you’re a fantastic liar or just horribly misinformed about everything.”

The kid shrugged and took the device from Spock's hands with lightning speed. “It is a fantastic bit of engineering. I vas reading a paper about zhe device specifics only a few dayz ago and I vould love to crack zhis baby open and have a look.” He bent over the device pressing a few buttons but before he could start to analyse it Scotty took it off him.

“Now lad, ye don’t want ta be fiddling with somethin’ ye don’t even know how ta use.” He cautioned shielding the device from Chekov's annoyed attempts to retake it.

Spock glided past the squabbling pair and stood next to Jim. “While this reunion is not as unpleasant as it could be, there is the matter of who is going to keep the device,” he stated keeping his expression neutral. In all the years Jim had known Spock, he’d only seen him react a handful of times and most of those had been through Jim provoking him in some fantastic act of illogical childishness.

Unfortunately, Spock was right. The arrival of the others was a concern. The universally accepted law of “you snooze, you lose” could be brought into effect but that would mean Jim lost to Spock and he wasn’t about to let that happen. On the other hand, America and Vulcan had a good working relationship and could probably be persuaded to share research on the device. The same could not be said for the British or Russian’s.

Jim nodded keeping his thoughts to himself. He watched Scotty and Chekov argue over the device their accents mangling together in a small cacophony of elongated words.

“ _Oi_!” Jim hissed. “Need I remind you where we are?” he raised his eyebrows at the rowing pair and was momentarily blinded by Scotty’s headlamp as the man turned to him. They looked abashed and quietened down but Jim still caught what he thought was a Russian expletive indicating what Scotty’s mother liked to do in her spare time.

He caught Spock's eye with a smirk which he turned serious.

“I have about half an hour left on the security looping I put in. We need to sort this soon.”

Spock nodded his sharp eyes surveying the area keenly. He tilted his head, leaning his pointed ears towards the rest of the house and listened intently for a few short moments. Abruptly, he turned to stare at the open door of the study and as Jim turned to join him the darkness released another figure, one holding a rather lethal looking knife.

“Kirk? God damn, they said the Secret Service weren’t sending anyone,” the figure complained.

Jim squinted in acute shock.

“Sulu? Why are you here?” he asked with quiet incredulity.

Sulu put his knife away and strolled further into the dark room, his dark eyes widening marginally at seeing the other occupants.

“Well I heard there was a party and thought, what the hell? I should I join,” he replied sarcastically, then more reasonably he asked, “Why do you think I'm here, Jim?”

Jim sighed. He knew why Sulu was here he’d just hoped to avoid it.

“The CIA want in on this machine thingy too, huh?” he stated casually as he could. Sulu had always been sharper than was strictly good for his health, his natural observation skills had saved their lives on multiple occasions, but it had also led them into the danger in the first place.

Sulu nodded knowingly, “The American government want the device; therefore, _we_ want the device. Do you have it?” He walked forward to fully join the others in the room. He was wearing the customary dark clothes, but they seemed to be coated in a dusty silvery substance and the longer Jim looked the more of it he could distinguish on Sulu’s clothes.

“Hikaru, vhat is zhat on your clothing?” Chekov asked pointing to the silvery threads.

“What?” Sulu twisted looking at his jacket. “Damn cobwebs,” he muttered. “There’s a tunnel in the basement that leads from a nearby monastery. Its rather disused and very well bricked-up.” He explained looking put out at the audacity of the cobwebs.

Jim contemplated the image of Sulu fighting through abandoned monasterial tunnels just to end up in a bricked-up basement and fought a laugh the threatened to break out.

Sulu brushed his jacket to try to remove the cobwebs. “Who has the device now?”

There was a small pause and the room filled with light silence. They gazed around and Jim, with mixed feeling, found that Spock was currently holding it. Spock who had saved his life in Paraguay, Spock who was stoic and surprisingly trustworthy, Spock who could achieve a sugar high like no other just from chocolate… Spock who looked as immensely determined as a Vulcan could look.

“I do not plan on parting with the device, it is what I came here to retrieve and it is what I shall leave with,” he affirmed and started to put the device in his small satchel.

“Wait! Hold that thought for one hot second,” Jim started moving towards Spock to try and prevent him from fully claiming the device.

“Yeah,” Scotty protested. “I’ve come alon’ way fur this bit a tech. I ain’t leaving without it.”

Chekov nodded earnestly, “Yes, zhis is top priority for us, I am also not leaving unless I am heading to give it to zhe director himself.”

Sulu let out a frustrated sigh, “We can’t all have it. And since both Kirk and I are here on behalf of the same country we should get it.”

Spock raised his eyebrows in what could possibly have been incredulous disbelief.

“I believe that I was here first. I have the device in my bag. I should be the one to take it. The Vulcan Science Academy would be able to maximise the benefits of the device. It is only logical that I take it to where it can be used to create maximum good.”

Chekov lunged for the satchel. “I think zhat ve are vasting time. You old people may not have other things to do but I am very busy.” His fingers brushed the satchel, but Spock pulled it away before he could fully grasp it.

Jim gapped at the kid.

“Excuse me,” he hissed in agitated disbelief, “I am not old! I'm twenty-nine.”

“You’re practically retired,” Chekov drawled rudely from his grappled position with Spock.

“Well I guess if I'm that old I'm going to need the device to cure my ails. Give it to me, Spock,” Jim snapped getting frustrated, Pike had lied about this being an ‘easy’ mission.

“No, Spock,” a new voice broke through the darkness. “Give it to me.”

They froze and the study went quiet. In the hall the clock of a clock alerted them to a new hour and then fell silent again.

Another torch came on and the group watched as the figure in the doorway strode in with its hand held out in order to receive the device.

“Nyota,” Spock half whispered, “I did not anticipate your arrival.”

Uhura smiled with deadly charm, she gave off an air of danger and efficiency.

“I’m sure you didn’t. Boys, I have a very tight schedule so you just hand that device over now Spock and I’ll see you at the next sucky inter-agency party,” she wiggled her fingers impatiently. “Hand it over, please.”

Spock hesitated and then took the device from his bag and slowly placed it in her palm.

“What? Seriously Spock? I’ve known you for years and you chose Uhura over me?” Jim couldn’t believe it, of all the forms of betrayal. “Bros before hoes man,” he pleaded.

Uhura span on the spot and smacked him across the face, throwing shadows across the room as she did.

“Call me his hoe again and I will show you a very childish but very affective form of retribution,” she threatened. Jim gulped and nodded, angling himself away slightly to provide more protection.

“Now hang on a second lassy, I dinnae care what you’ve been doin’ but ye can’t just burst in here and take that. We we’re just sortin’ out who was havin’ that and you aren’t in the runnin’,” Scotty declared angrily not quelled by Uhura's looming figure.

“He’s right,” Sulu added. “We have more of a right to that device than you.”

Uhura glared at him. “We’re spies, Sulu, it isn’t about rights its about duty.”

“Yeah, but how do the rest of us fulfil our duty then?” Jim asked, this was getting ridiculous. Easy mission his ass. He really needed another holiday, somewhere far away like Paris or Amsterdam or maybe the moon.

Spock interrupted his thoughts, “There are two options.”

“Oh, do go ahead,” Sulu invited with a small lace of sarcasm to his voice.

Jim could just see the Vulcan straightening in the darkness, “The solution is simple, we must either decide which one of us is to take the device or we must all leave it here and report that it could not be retrieved.”

Before anyone could answer, the room was flooded with light blinding the group. A small startled yelp ripped itself from Chekov’s mouth. There was the sound of a shotgun being armed. They swivelled round to face the door, eyes wide in shock.

Sulu groaned in agitation.

Scotty swore fervently.

The figure in the doorway was the middle-aged owner of the house, dressed in fine a fine evening suit. His greying hair was styled in only the way money could produce and in his steady hands was a vintage shotgun. He spoke with a strong southern drawl.

“Oh, I know which one ya’ll be doing for me, fellas…ma’am.”

Jim took a moment to sigh very heavily. Oh yeah, definitely going to the moon, he’d heard it was great this time of year.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks For reading.


End file.
